really.....

when i see passionate people , i then remember the reason why i got myself enrolled into the MTECH program...
some people just leave everything else and just work towards what they truly believe in...its their passion and they would go any extent to fulfill their dreams...
isnt this the real reason why i came here in the first place....its like all this time i totally lost myself...i m kinda regaining things and putting them back in their place....
the real reason behind me joining the course was that i was so damn interested about doing algorithms and theoritical computer stuff.....after coming here and looking at the people surrounding me i think i got a little too intimidated and got myself thinking into all possible stupid feelings....nyways better late than never....
i m realising that gr8 people always went after their dream...some went hungry for days just to see their dreams come true....
i m lucky in so many ways that i got into an amazing college with incredible facilities and immense exposure into the industry or be it research which has always been my source of interest....
i can do anything i want rite here rite now ...its all here....it is the present i shld be worried about and nothing else...i shldnt get diverted and start thiinking about what all i can achieve in these amazing two years of overall education and on the whole while doing this i should enjoy whatever i do...as long as it is enjoyable its fine...
the moment its no more enjoyment i m gonna lose it and then find a way out....
but will do anything solely bcoz i wanna do it and not bcoz i have to...


really i want to do so many things but i m too lazy ....i guess i shld start acting responsibly and really work hard...to get what i want or atleast do what ever makes me feel good....
i always have this image about the scientists that they are very passionate about their research and so are the musicians...
i simply love the way they just enjoy the music while composing or playing casually...
they simply are lost in that amazing world of music and dont think of anything else....its only the music they can about....
i want to have that same feeling and i too wanna be so passionate about something that when i do that i just lose myself into it and just forget about the rest of the world....
lose myself into this,
while the world goes passing by,
like the clouds in their rush,

soothing voices in my head,
feeling close to my heart,
cant time just stop here,

where is that feeling,
i m all lost amidst this,
i wanna have that thing,

remember those memories,
feels like ages ago,
fearing they might fade away,

oh ! where am i going??
i want to have that feeling,
back to the way i was before,
to that same old feeling....

i want to lose myself into this,
fear about nothing else,
just me and myself,
thats all that should matter,
world still passing by,
strangers still leaving aside,
where is my passion???
i wanna get back to that...
i will get back to it...
i am getting back to it...

what the....????

seems like its raining in my head????
why does it feel like its the dead...

still laying in my bed...
dont knw where is my grade...

just staring at the walls...
looking at the food....
lost in thoughts...
just dont understand where

what is this happening..
feel like i m hit by a hurricane...
head still spinning...

moods swing like roller coaster
dont still find a way...
searching among the thickest woods around...
cant seem to find a ray .

the learning curve....

yesterday i had this session with my friends and it was like ...kinda mind opener....
i was like learning about so many things in life.....the smartness u need to have, the kinda survival techniques u have to develop, the path u choose whenever u make decision, the practicality in thinking....man it was amazing....i m learning so many things even without realising that i m doing it.....thats the best part of it....
I am kinda knowing or rather realising what is the real deal in this world anyway???
what is the main purpose??
how to handle it??
which is the best way to do it??
how far can i achieve them???
how far can i learn from them???

u never knw what is gonna happen next and thats the uncertainty in life....
u never knw that the decision which u have taken is the right one or the wrong one....
u never knw that this is whats gonna happen now....

feels like

just kinda felt like sharing stuff today....
things change...so rapidly....

sometimes i feel like i m doing the right thing and sometimes i feel like the same thing is wrong and then i am in a total mess...i feel certain things and i try to analyse them but end up nowhere and then lose my self...
The weird part of this is that i m realising that i m growin up.. that scares the shit outta me...
i m feeling responsible for every single action i take...
i sometimes doubt if whatever i feel is the rational or not...it is like creating a black hole inside of me...what is my motive....i feel like i m losing track of myself...i need to regain everything i have been doing till now...where is the real me??????????????????????


i am searching for myself...

its just like that.......

its just like that....
i feel like writing so many things all together at once..rite now....
but i will do it...sentence by sentence...line by line..
i have an amalgamation of so many things...so much of contradictions...
i cried a lot...then i was sad..then i was laughing...i truly feel that my life has become more of a rollercoaster emotionally and physically...its so strange that ..till yesterday i was with my parents and the only thing i used to think was abt my studies and forgetting everything else...
here and espcially now i realise...that i aint a kid no more...i have to start acting like a mature person...i have to handle myself very professionally....anything i do or say has immediate aftereffects...and i need to be careful about that....
i have to soon realise that my priorities are to be on the front end always...it is always gonna be something which i m comfortable in....i have my own tastes and i can make my own choices...and that fact should gimme more freedom....

this is all about how i should grow as a person...but about my professional work...i think i still need to learn a lot about so many things...like diplomacy...human resource...etc..,

i have to always think that i shld be in the race no matter what or whom...nobody is for nobody....u always have urself and no more to it...so trust urself more than anyone else....

its always in ur own hands...u always have the option to change it the way u want it to.....
everything is a learning process...its always difficult the first time, the second time...but eventually u will get it....

finally no matter what happens or who happens or what anyone says....the only thing that should matter to u is ur conscience...u shld always do whatever ur heart says....there is this inner voice that keeps telling u that this thing is right or wrong...u will take the route..and just keep listening to it coz ...it becomes a routine and u will become very comfortable taking decisions...

somtimes something comes up and u start thinking about it all the time...but u shld always remember that it is urself thats gonna keep u intact...and never take anything too close to ur heart except ur ownself...sometimes even that can be harmful..
always remember that theres a purpose for everyone in this world...
no matter how hard u try to win or lose....u will always get whatever u deserve....
so just keep doing whatever u can do...ur best shot at everything and be passionate about it...
love anything and everything u do...never restrict urself of anything and dont deprive urself from anything....be it programming or learning from a whole new domain...or anything else....always be eager to learn new stuff with the excitement and zeal....